The other day I received a radiology report that is a bit concerning. It’s most likely nothing, but the report combined with some odd symptoms I’ve been experiencing had me on edge a little. Ok, a lot, at least for the first couple of days. I sort of freaked out, but I’m better now. I’m actually experiencing a strange sense of calmness. I’ve decided I can’t worry about something I don’t know.
The thought of possibly having cancer has me seeing life from a completely different perspective. It’s funny how things that once seemed so important can suddenly seem irrelevant. Likewise, how it can make your plans seem urgent. The thought of possibly not having the year, or five, to wait to make things happen makes you really see what and who is important.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking over the past 5 days. Too much thinking. What if. How. When. Why. Then it dawned on me; it doesn’t matter. None of us knows how much time we have here. None of us are getting out of here alive.
The only thing we can do is cherish the time we do have. Love those close to us with a fierce love, never letting them question it. Don’t assume we have time. Don’t assume they know. Do it now. Surround ourselves with people who bring out the best in us. Bring out the best in the people we are around. Most of us don’t make a huge impact on the world, but we can always make a huge impact on those in our lives.
Live a life that makes our hearts smile. If something doesn’t make us happy, if it doesn’t make us a better person, if it makes us miserable and not at least a little excited to see what tomorrow may bring, whatever it is, stop. Don’t live a life of dread. We only get one, (unless you’re Buddhist, the lucky bastards) make it count.
Find happiness in the simple things. Make that amazing homemade pizza, perfect that cup of coffee, write that book, enjoy the comfortable silence, take that drive, play your favorite songs, play them loud, no matter what anyone else thinks of them.
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on us. Reality checks are good. I’m grateful for mine. Whatever the outcome, I got this.
And speaking of favorite songs, here are a few of mine.
New Order Ceremony
Joy Division Atmosphere
Mazzy Star Fade Into You